I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
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Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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