remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
