every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
