At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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