I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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