you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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