dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
