the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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