Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
