Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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