i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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