I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
