im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
