There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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