I wish my penis had an off switch
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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