I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize
