Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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