Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
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