you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
