I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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