My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I FOUND THE LEGS
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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