youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
