I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
