i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
