these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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