And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well I just put wine in my tea
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
