It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
