Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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