i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
