Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
