I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Life is so much better after having sex.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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