cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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