Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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