yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
