I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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