I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
