I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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