She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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