I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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