i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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