wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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