The maid of honor just puked.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
