she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
