No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
