But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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