I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You have to summon your inner elephant
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
