everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
