You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
