Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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