So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
