So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
