You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
