Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
