i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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