I cannot find my penis.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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