im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
