He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
