He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I can't trust your balls anymore.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
