You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
