The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
