Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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