so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
