David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think your dad took our porno
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
