Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
