Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
