I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
