you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I will be naked everywhere
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
