We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
