Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
