sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
