You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
