The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
